Wolf and I went down to Old Hill with Jaxsun this morning. I was there yesterday with the dog and saw a downed tree I wanted Wolf to see. While we were there, we saw two deer: a mama and her baby. Once Jaxsun noticed them, he wanted to chase them, I presume, to eat them. Alas, he was leashed and restrained so no venison for him.

Mama on the left, baby on the right.

Notice how far up their ears were? We watched as the baby noticed us, how its ears went up. It was the same with mama, however, her ears stayed up.

Ever see a tree bent like this?

Here you can see the charred spot where it was hit by lightening. We had a fierce storm the other night which left lots of trees down and the electric out for about 12 hours.

The smell of the wood was so intoxicating one had to put their nose up to the tree. It was almost instinctual to do so.

From the other side of the tree. Wolf stands about 5′9″ so you can see how big this tree was.

The top of the break.

The outside of the tree was warm, rough, and dry. The inside, however, was cool, moist, and smooth. I didn’t know tree innards had grades of color like this one: pink to yellowish to brown on the outside.

Of what is to come in but a few weeks. It was a beautiful walk down there this morning. My plan is to start going down more often now that the weather has started to cool down. And so have the bugs.

Yesterday I took a walk down in the Old Village and focused on what I need to succeed at my new job. You see, this is the job I’ve wanted for a very long time and I don’t want to lose it. It’s happened before. I’ve gotten something I’ve really wanted and within a year it was gone. I have no one to blame but myself so I know I need to change in order to get the stability I need.

What came to me was balance and pace. I need to learn how to balance myself, and how to pace myself. In the past, I’ve dove into things head first, without looking. Then I floundered in the deep water, only to extricate myself just before I drowned. In the mean time, I’ve made quite a fool out of myself. I don’t want that to happen again. Now I’m trying to learn what it is I need to do so I don’t flounder as I have in the past.

Balance. Too often I put all my effort into one thing and the rest of my life falls apart. I get such tunnel vision I cannot see what else needs to be taken care of. When such things force themselves to be acknowledged, I get overwhelmed. I have to spread my attention over a broader plane.

Also, I need to balance out the negative voices in my head. Often I will think up these terrible scenarios, feeding my fears of failure. Over the years I’ve tried to quell and quiet these voices. I’ve tried to placate them and evict them from my being. But nothing has been successful. Yesterday when I was thinking on this, it occurred to me I shouldn’t try to slay these voices, nor banish them, I should counteract them. Therefore, when I catch myself thinking negatively, I will then consciously switch gears and think positively for the same amount of time with the same intensity as I did when focusing on the negative voices.

Pace. I run into things head first. I’m so focused on getting it done that I don’t necessarily do a good job. In the past, it’s always been a choice between the two. Now I want to do both, but in order to do so, I need to pace myself so I don’t exhaust myself and do a shitty job at the end, just to get it done.

So balance and pace are what I need to be the person I want to be.

I’ve already started on the balance. I’ve started walking the dog. The last year I stopped walking him, instead just letting him out the back door. Now that I’m not in school and my life will be a little more routine, I can start walking with him again. This will help me balance my soul, connect me to Our Mother, and exercise our bodies.

Pace is something to be started when my paychecks start to come in. You see, I want to take yoga and join a gym. Both require money and both require one to pace themselves so not to hurt/exhaust oneself.

I just saw a hummingbird in the garden. It’s the first one I’ve seen all summer.

My goodness are they fast! So fast there was no time to get the camera.

The seasons have shifted. It’s now fall.

The last few days have been cool. The nights and mornings, however, have been chil-LY. Heavy blankets, extra clothes, closing of the windows (gasp!) are required of us now. The weatherfools say the temps will plummet into the 40s at night from now on.

I’m sure there will still be some hot August days, but they will be tempered by chilly nights.

I’m not ready for the cold weather.

Last week, like Thursday I think, we got a wicked thunderstorm. The sky opened up as the thunder clapped together, allowing blinding lightening to come through. The storm caused a lot of tree damage in the area, resulting in the loss of electricity for about 12 hours.

Wolf is out doing some tree clean up now. The driveway was covered in branches and a small tree, plus it’s washed out again. Shaun B. is on his way up to let us know how much it’ll cost to get the driveway graded (he usually charges $50) and redone with more crushed rock so we don’t have to keep calling him.

Today I pulled two zucchini from the garden, one spaghetti squash, and the only pepper (oddly, the pepper plants are starting to flower again). The pumpkins are growing and so is the zucchini. The cabbage and tomatoes continue to do well. One bed of cukes (pickling) have been consistently producing, but the other bed has not given me a single cuke, despite having lots of small flowers. The pole beans don’t know what they’re doing: flowering or not. I did get some beans off the bush beans (the beans themselves turned out to be black), but not that many.

Yesterday I made and canned zucchini pickles, Eden’s recipe. They are quite yummy. I made nine big jars and three small ones. I will send one jar to Agnes, and two to Susan (one for her to give to Eden) to share my wealth. I want to pickle the cukes I have, but am out of jars. Today I will be looking at the recipes I chose to see if I can brine some as a way to save the cukes from going bad, but giving me some time to get some more jars.

The hawk is back. Someday I’ll put up the recording I made of it/them a couple weeks ago.

The weather has become downright fall-esque. The last 24* have been cool and cloudy, although no rain. Cool enough for a sweater and an extra blanket at night. Sleeping naked is becoming more difficult.

Wolf and I celebrated 5 years of marriage yesterday. Here’s to five more!

Last week, the Glen & Maggie gave us a freezer chest, which now sits in the living room. Although we plugged it in to see if it works, we unplugged it until we have something — or rather a bunch of somethings — go into it. In a few weeks we will. We’re splitting a 1/2 pig with Michelle & Scott. So a 1/4 pig will be in there, along with (hopefully) a bunch of veggies from the garden.

This past Saturday, I participated in an Elemental Attunement prepared by the folks at Silverwolf Sanctuary. The purpose of the Attunement is to attune each individual with each of the elements: Fire, Water, Earth, and Air.

The event started up on the side of a mountain where Water and Earth meet in both deep glacial caves and large boulders which water slid shallowly over. The group walked a short distance from where we parked our cars and stood receiving the blessing of Water from the ritual leaders:

Divine Water–you bring empathy and healing to the world,
You are the bearer of true wisdom.
Like the gentle erosion of water upon stone,
May we release all animosity from our hearts.
Like the cleaning of the Earth by falling rain,
May we too be purified of hatred, wrath, and distress.
For while there is darkness within,
There is no room for love or light.
Through your wise example,
May we heal and grow through forgiveness.

Although I was having a hard time focusing because there were a lot of people, both Pagan and not, around me, I focused on releasing the hate, anger, and fear which have decided to colonize my soul, spirit, and heart. I attempted to bring these emotions up from deep within my being to be washed away by the cold, glacial water which was poured from a chalice onto my hands. Then I went and sat by in the river and let the cold water rush over my back, rump, and legs.

Next, we went into a cave/under a ledge a short distance from where the water runs down the side of the mountain. Unfortunately, I did not save the sheet with the ritual on it. From memory, we sat in a place we were comfortable in and felt Earth above, below, and all around us. We encased ourselves in her formations, her skin. We palpated her bumps and grooves, letting our minds wander to a primeval place inside ourselves to allow our inner cave dweller out while the ritual leader led.

After Earth, we went and played in a small pool just under a waterfall. Again, the water was cold, but the day was warm and beautiful. I splashed around, dove into the water and did a little swimming. I had forgotten how much I enjoy swimming in fresh water. We then packed up our cars and headed back to The Farm where we played a medieval game, the name escapes me right now. The game consisted of a bunch of wooden blocks and round sticks. The object was to throw the round sticks at the blocks to knock them over. Once a block was knocked over, it went to the opposing teams side. The goal was to have all the blocks. The trick, besides hitting the blocks, was to *not* knock over the king who sat in the middle of the field. It was quite fun and challenging. We came to a stalemate to be played again next year.

While playing the game, the food was cooked and we went to eat (which is why the game stalemated). After food was the Air ritual.

We were each given a small feather to hold in our palms. We focused on the feather, projecting who you are and the relationship you would like to have with the Spirit of Air. Then we individually whistled three times and then blew the feather away. The whistling part was mildly amusing. I, for one, am practically tone deaf so my three short whistles sounded pretty dead and toneless. Others couldn’t whistle at all or sounded worse than I did. But no one cared of such mundane and silly things. We whistled for a moment and then let our feathers fly, at which time the ritual leader spoke:

The breath of life
Touches every heart;
And will sustain us
Though the gods depart
Travel now, my friends
I release you to the skies
May you float away in peace
And be guided by the Wind
I release you to come home to yourself
Traveling your true path
I release you to find what has always been
Your won self, released and free
So it is said, so mote it be.

Then we moved to the fire and watched its flames climb up the tall logs. We were given a piece of paper to write our names on, real or magical. I chose my whole name: first, middle, and last because I do not have a magical name, nor do I want one. Then we were supposed to lean forward and light the paper off the fire, then the candle from the paper, but the fire was *way* too hot to get close to so we each just threw our names in the fire and lit the candle from a lighter. Again the ritual leader lead us:

The holy Fire of Life is lit
Inside every heart;
And will burn within us
Though the gods may depart.
By many roads we have traveled to reach this place.
But we are children of one mother
Let us rejoice in the kinship she has kindled!
Behold the blessed Ale [bless ale with rune Kenaz]
Whose fire enlivens the hears of Humankind
Behold the Harvest [bless the break with rune Fenu]
The bread of life,
Whose fuel warms the bodies of Humankind.

The ale was actually wine and the bread was just that.

The was the end of the rituals and it was time to watch the fire, tell stories, and just be. I left with a sense of fulfillment and eager anticipation for next year. It is nice to *finally* have found a community of people I enjoy being with who practice the same faith as I. I feel a little less isolated and alone and more connected to the human spirit than ever.