Today is Lammas, the day we celebrate the harvest. Today, I celebrate more than the food in my garden, a physical manifestation of Lammas, I celebrate the fruition of 20 years of desire and hardwork. Just a little while ago I got off the phone with Anne who offered me the job I interviewed for just before I left for vacation. I am very, very excited about this. I am finally going to be paid for my activism.

Anne hinted around that I may get the director position, which she holds, in February because she’s pregnant. She didn’t say she was leaving the organization completely, but it sounds as if she is if she “put a bug” in my ear (her words).

In the past I have had opportunities like this and I’ve blown them. I do not want to screw this up. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for for a very long time. It’s why I went to school: to be paid for my activism. Because I don’t want this opportunity to disappear, nor do I want to disappoint everyone like I have in the past, I need to identify, and change/smooth over, some important personality traits.

The first change I’ve decided to make is to NOT tell everyone in the world. Usually when something big like this happens, I broadcast it to everyone far and wide through emails, phone calls, and letters and then when I fail/disappoint/become disillusioned, I’m embarrassed and feel as if I’ve let everyone down. So I’m going to keep it low key. In October when I write out my Samhaim letters, I will have to make the decision then as to whether to disclose my employment to the 60 people who get the letter.

In a few minutes I’m going to meditate on the job, what I think it’ll entail, and ask for the tools for balance since I tend to go overboard in my excitement.

The second change I am going to make is to make a good lunch to bring with me everyday. When I was in school last year, I finally realized how food positively and negatively affects my mood, attention span, work ethic, and anger/depression levels. Making sure I always have good food available to eat is a key component of my success.

The third change I am going to make is exercise. I have not been motivated of late and my lack of movement negatively affects my mood, attention span, work ethic, and anger/depression levels. Exercise is also a component of a balance personality. And, most importantly, it’s an outlet for the negative emotions which take over and make me difficult to work with.

Lastly, taking yoga is becoming more and more important to me. In the past, a lack of money has been the reason for not taking a yoga class. I’ve tried to do tapes/dvds on my own, but I’ve hurt myself because I knew I was doing it wrong. I need human instruction before I can do something on my own. Money is still a little tight, but I’m going to find a way to make a yoga class into the budget. It’s become paramount at this point.

This entry was posted in Cough/How Do I Look..?, Grindstone, Wheel of the Year. Bookmark the permalink.

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