Wheel Turns

Summer has passed in these parts. The leaves exhibit the beginnings of change from lush green to brilliant reds, golds, and browns. Air is cooler during the day and Wind has picked up a bit.

Earth is turning toward her sleep time. Am I ready for the upcoming winter?

This weekend I spent it canning tomatoes into stewed tomatoes and spaghetti sauce. I also made a bunch of pickles, both zucchini and cucumber, in hopes of holding me until next summer, but I know what I canned isn’t enough to get us to December, much less next spring. Next year we hope to grow more and be in a better financial position so I can buy what I can’t grow to can.

I am feeling myself start to wind down, start to journey to that dark, cold, lonely place I go in the winter. Instead of fighting winter as I usually do, I am going to embrace it this year. Instead of trying to combat the debilitating depression, I am going to accept it and embrace it. It’s all part of the balance and pace I discussed in my last post, and about accepting myself for who I am, not what I want to be.

Tipper Gore once said something like “Once I hit 40, I just didn’t care what others thought.” While I’m not there yet (nor am I 40 yet), I can see myself embracing such a belief.

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2 Responses to Wheel Turns

  1. A long time ago — I was in college — I had a very strange experience that has stayed with me ever since. I had always been someone who enjoyed summer a lot more than winter, who got depressed on rainy days, etc. etc. My basic attitude towards winter and cold was always, “When will this be over?”

    Then suddenly — I remember it happened on New Year’s Eve 1995 — I was lying in bed, freezing, and listening to Dead Can Dance for the first time. Something about the temperature and the new year and the music together woke up some sleeping well of emotion that I’d never felt before. It was like all my emotional switches were thrown into reverse; pain became pleasure and depression became ecstasy. The feelings were so raw and new that they were painful, like muscles I was moving for the very first time. I was awake most of the night; and I loved seeing the dead bare branches against the gray sky in the morning. I couldn’t bear the thought of sunlight on green leaves. It was a whole new set of emotions — something I wasn’t expecting to happen at the age of 21!

    Over the next few days I tried to “get back” into that emotional state again and again, sometimes with success and sometimes not. Nowadays I can bring it back with memory, and it’s more integrated into my larger emotional set…

    Anyway, your post reminded me of all this. Do you like Dead Can Dance? :-)

  2. Howling Hill says:

    Yes, I very much like Dead Can Dance. “The Wind that Shakes the Barley” is my favorist song.

    Spring is when I feel most alive, hopeful, ready to take on new things. Spring is when I’m full of love and warmth, when I’m confident and self-assured. Spring gets me outside enjoying the end of Winter.

    I like early spring, late-Feb early-March, when the ground is still covered with snow, but you can see Our Mother’s skin coming through. When the days start to get warmer, but you still need a jacket to walk in the woods. When the trees are just starting to bud and the early birds return.

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