Today is Beltaine (pronounced “bel-ti-na)(with a short i), the first day of summer in the Celtic calender. Here in the Northeast, it’s spring not summer.

For all my life spring has been my favorite time of year. I love watching the flowers and trees bloom, the chirping of birds, opening the windows to let the Sun in. This year, however, I’ve not been overjoyed as I have been in the past.

For the last year I’ve really been missing my spirituality. I’m not sure where she went but she did go somewhere far away. I have not been able to contact her. I’m feeling lost and as if I’m floating, not connected to anyone or anything. I’ve been so disconnected I even let my seedlings go to pot. Never before have I neglected my seedlings like I have this year. And the worst part is I don’t really care.

It’s because I’ve been focused on the memorial service. I started planning it last year around this time and as the date grew closer it’s become all I can think about. But you already knew that because I keep posting about it.

Beltaine represents newness and rebirth. And that’s what I’m working toward with the memorial service. For the last year I’ve been thinking how this is my chance to finally work through my grief and pain. To put it to rest and be reborn free of the negativity which holds me from being the person I aspire to be. Certainly I didn’t choose when Dad died, but maybe there’s a reason he died around Beltaine. Regardless, I’m taking the opportunity to put some things to rest: sadness, fear, anger, grief.

Beltaine is happy times, gay times. Times of community and sharing. The leaves and flowers are blooming, so are the female mammals. It’s a time of sexual energy, of fertility, of blossoming, of brightly lit clothes.

Happy Beltaine everyone!

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