This year I’ve not felt particularly connected to Mother Earth, Father Water and the rest of my chosen deities. Depression has wrapped it’s cold, wet, isolating blanket around me and I’m just beginning to emerge from the cell it holds me captive in. I never did my yearly tarot which is odd. Even at Imbloc I didn’t feel particularly connected which is odd. Beltane was spent down in Mass. at Dad’s memorial service so I didn’t even *think* about my Gods and Goddesses.
Yesterday I realized I was *waiting* for the connection to my deities to come to me. Often I do this. I wait. I wait for others to reach out to me. Yes, I reach out to them. Yes, I call, email, write. But I will only put forth so much effort before I my wells dry out and I give up. But it’s not supposed to be like this with one’s spirituality. Gods and Goddess don’t come to you, you come to them. Right?
So I’ll be pulling out some of my books to try and jump start my connection. Again. For the third time this year. Here it is mid-May and still I haven’t done my yearly tarot, still I feel disconnected and alone. Yes I’ve been attending full and new moon services and yes they’ve been nice, but fulfilling? No. And not because my grovemates aren’t working hard, they are. It’s because *I’m* not working hard. It’s about me and no one else.
I need to stop waiting and start doing. Get my spiritual shit together and work on what’s important to me. I’m unemployed so now is the best time to do so. Now is the time to create some new routines. Now is the time for me to stop waiting.