Initiate

A few weeks ago I mentioned to Maggie and Glenn that I’d like to write the upcoming Lughnasadh ceremony. They agreed and I was overjoyed.

When I first started researching and writing the ritual, I kept thinking to myself “I should become an initiate. I should write an initiation ritual” but there was a part of me which bristled at the idea. Certainly this has always been a goal of mine but I’m still pretty fuzzy on how to write one much less what it entails. I decided I shouldn’t try and force it nor rush it so I focused on the Lughnassadh ritual.

Then it came to me I should participate in an initiate ritual next year around Imbolc. Imbolc is a great time for initiation because Mother Earth is thawing. In other parts of the country — certainly in other parts of the world — Mother Earth is blossoming and giving birth but here in New England we’re still cold and snow covered. However, you can feel spring in the year around Imbolc: light is longer and brighter. Birds start to come back from their southern vacations.

Brighid is associated with spring. I have always felt a connection to Brighid because of my love of spring. But in my mind, Brighid is the maiden and well, I’m not a maiden anymore. Far from it. And here is where the problem lays: I am not a mother. I’m finding it hard to initiate myself to Brighid because she doesn’t represent the stage in life I’m in nor do I feel connected to the Mother aspect for obvious reasons. Since I’m not old enough for cronehood either I’m at a loss as to where to look.

I’m of the mind I should hear the voice, feel the pull, calling me to a particular god/dess but I don’t right now. Brighid is still a powerful connection I feel but She doesn’t feel quite right anymore. I feel as if I’ve outgrown Her but don’t know whom I’ve grown into.

Paganism isn’t really set up for childless women. We like our trinity of Maiden, Mother, Crone but there are many of us without children. And while I can say I mother my garden, my Beasts, my chickens the fact is, I am not their mother. I did not get pregnant, labor, lactate any of them. Certainly I *heart* them and would protect them all, but I would do that for all not just my own.

So I guess I have some research to do. And thankfully I have almost a year to phase from maiden to ____. Thankfully Maggie honored me by agreeing to assist so I’ll have to sit down with her and talk this over with her. Of course, if any of you have any suggestions, I will entertain them all.

Wheel of the Year so for those non-Pagans out there know what the heck I’m talking about.

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2 Responses to Initiate

  1. I like the fact that you are continually evaluating… I really think that that there is a important thing you need to start with, long before you do research on self initiation rituals and choose god/dess to initiate to, etc.

    First and foremost you need to illustrate and seriously define why you are initiating and what you want to get out of it. While it may be a gut feeling, a pull to what feels “right,” it needs to be more defined than that. Obviously you want this to be both meaningful and profound, and it is hard to obtain that if you haven’t clearly defined what it is you want…

    Funny, I’m in a similar situation (long out of “Maidenhood” but never-have-never-will be a Mother) but it never has concerned me.

    As an aside, I find it interesting that Wikipedia associates Brigantia/Brid/Bride/ Briginda/Brigdu/Brigit as “a classic Celtic Triple Goddess.” Perhaps they mean she has triple aspects, which is popular in celtic tradition (the warrior, the healer, the muse) but I do not think that it translates to the Maiden/Mother/Crone thing, which is embodied in The Triple Goddess (as opposed to the triple goddess.)

    Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough… just some food for thought!

  2. Howling Hill says:

    Silverwolf: thank you for your thoughtful comment. You’ve given me some food for thought; some things to contemplate.

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