Deep Question

Peppylady asked this question:

We all have our short comings we need to overcome within our lives. So, when you set a goal to change something in your life why do you believe you will fall off the wagon and not complete the process to change from worse to better?

I’ve put a lot of thought into this type of question before. For me personally it’s because I get tired and bored.

Tired
In order to make a change in your life, you have to put a lot of thought into what it is you want to change. I’ll use smoking as my example.

I wanted to quit smoking in the worst way but in order to do so I had to find out why I smoked in the first place. It took me years to figure it out and finally I did. I wanted to be just like my dad, someone I know little about. I had this memory of him sitting in the carport with Harry (my uncle and Dad’s best friend) drinking Budweisers and smoking so when I was nine (yes, really) I started stealing cigarettes from my mother’s husband. And so started my nicotine addiction.

One Thanksgiving (or maybe it was Easter, I forget) I was outside smoking with Harry.

Harry: When did you start smoking?

Me: Um, like 15 years ago.

Harry: Oh. Really? Why?

Me: Why what?

Harry: Why did you start smoking?

Me: to be just like Dad.

Harry [blink, blink]: Your father never smoked.

Me [incredulous] [cough cough sputter sputter]: What????

It took the next five years for me to quit smoking. I tried the patch which made me faint at work. Thankfully I worked at a hospital so I was treated immediately (read: they took the patch off). Then I tried the gum but it gave me heartburn, the hiccups, and the burps. Then I tried cold turkey but that didn’t work very well. Please realize I lived with my mother and husband. Her husband smokes three packs a day so although I would do ok during the day, as soon as I got home I’d start crawling the walls because my addiction was triggered. Finally, I admitted I couldn’t quit without medical intervention so I went to the doctor who prescribed Zyban (spelling?). Within two weeks I quit after smoking for 20 years.

All the times I tried before it took so much energy out of me to resist having a smoke I would become exhausted and would just give in. I just got so tired I couldn’t rationalize myself out of the craving. Certainly as time when on my resolve would be longer and stronger but eventually fatigue would take over and I’d ask for a smoke. And how I enjoyed that first inhale!

Though I haven’t smoked in seven years, I still crave cigarettes. There are days I stand next to smokers just so I can second hand smoke. There have been times when I’ve asked smokers to blow smoke into my face as I inhaled just so I could get that beloved rush. And only once have I had a cigarette since I quit: the week of 9/11. Actually, I didn’t have one, I bought a pack but didn’t finish it. Before the week was over I chucked the pack and have not bought one since nor has a butt been to my lips.

Bored
Sometimes the thing you’re trying to change is something which means you need to develop a routine. Now, I’ve not been successful in consistently exercising but it’s still a good example for me. I want to exercise, I think about it all the time. But as soon as I develop a routine I get bored. I don’t like feeling boxed into a routine, I don’t like feeling trapped, and that’s how I feel when I develop a routine. And I get bored of the same thing over and over. Being that I can’t afford a gym there isn’t much in the way of exercise I can do: walk or run, DVDs. It’s the same movement over and over, day after day.

Ug.

Boring.

So for me those are the reasons I fall off the bandwagon. Fatigue and boredom.

Should you choose to answer this question please link back to Peppylady. She rocks Idaho!

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This entry was posted in Cough/How Do I Look..?, Deep Thoughts, Friends, Mi Familia, Wealthcare. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Deep Question

  1. peppylady says:

    Thank you for taking part in “In the Know”
    I guess there ton of reason why we all fall off the wagon.

    But on your bored one is an interesting thought to it.

    My bad habits are pretty boring. Even my good habits which I would like to be my regular life is pretty darn boring.

    For no reason except I was bored I start looking in the fridge for something to munch on.
    Well I made a small pan of popcorn, I know pop corn isn’t bad for your but I add melt butter.
    Plus even I get tired of my old nasty ways too.

    I’ll be posting something on the 25th of July.

  2. Howling Hill says:

    Peppy: you’re welcome.

    Boredom is certainly a reason I eat too. Silly, isn’t?

  3. Gina says:

    Good for you for stopping the ciggerates. If that is not a strong thing to give up, I don’t know what is…

  4. Howling Hill says:

    Gina: it was so hard. By the end of the day I’d be so exhausted from the grit it takes to refuse I would just give in to the craving. I’d feel guilty for it after but I just wanted to relax.

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