Over the years commitment and I have had a strange relationship. While I love the idea of commitment the reality is I feel trapped. I feel trapped when I think of making a commitment.
Thing is, I’ve made lots of commitments in my life. Every love relationship I’ve entered into has been monogamous (except that one time I ever cheated. I felt so awful I broke up with Craig so I could get back with my high school boyfriend Scott. Craig treated me well, Scott did not) and I have never felt trapped. I’ve committed to school (though I did feel trapped and couldn’t wait for it to be over) and got through it. I’ve committed to eliminating junk food out of my diet and am doing very, very well. I’ve committed to learning reiki and have not missed a single session (except today because the weather’s going to crap again). But when it comes to committing to work, to a job, well, I start freaking out.
There’s a class my place of employment is offering. Taking it will increase my skill level, marketability, and pay. If I take the class I have to agree to work there for 18 months. The class has not officially been offered — they are collecting names to see if there’s enough interest — and already I’m starting to feel trapped.
Thing is, it’s not like I’m going anywhere. Jobs are so scarce right now I’m not planning on leaving this one anytime soon. I don’t imagine the economy is gonna get any better in 18 months. But still I don’t want those feelings of being trapped.