Commitment-phobe

Over the years commitment and I have had a strange relationship. While I love the idea of commitment the reality is I feel trapped. I feel trapped when I think of making a commitment.

Thing is, I’ve made lots of commitments in my life. Every love relationship I’ve entered into has been monogamous (except that one time I ever cheated. I felt so awful I broke up with Craig so I could get back with my high school boyfriend Scott. Craig treated me well, Scott did not) and I have never felt trapped. I’ve committed to school (though I did feel trapped and couldn’t wait for it to be over) and got through it. I’ve committed to eliminating junk food out of my diet and am doing very, very well. I’ve committed to learning reiki and have not missed a single session (except today because the weather’s going to crap again). But when it comes to committing to work, to a job, well, I start freaking out.

There’s a class my place of employment is offering. Taking it will increase my skill level, marketability, and pay. If I take the class I have to agree to work there for 18 months. The class has not officially been offered — they are collecting names to see if there’s enough interest — and already I’m starting to feel trapped.

Thing is, it’s not like I’m going anywhere. Jobs are so scarce right now I’m not planning on leaving this one anytime soon. I don’t imagine the economy is gonna get any better in 18 months. But still I don’t want those feelings of being trapped.

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8 Responses to Commitment-phobe

  1. Jennifer H says:

    If you take the class and end up not staying there for 18 months, what is the penalty? Knowing the worst case scenario helps me sometimes to wriggle out of the smothering feelings. Then when I feel trapped I can tell myself “Worst case scenario….” and knowing the worst that can happen in that situation makes me feel free because I still have a choice! Granted, I will have to face the consequence of that choice, but it usually really isn’t that bad and it is good enough to make the trapped feelings hush up. :) Best wishes!

  2. peppylady says:

    commitment sure has many roads one can travel down. I don’t know why we as human have trouble with commitment.
    I been trying to keep a food journal and it sure hasn’t been easy.

    Maybe your to hard on your self when your commitment to something. Maybe you should look at the percentage of kept commitment no one going to hit 100% but if your above 75% that two-thirds of the time you complete your commitments.

    I’m so ready for spring. I post a weather report plus picture what it was like in February.
    Spring will you please come.

    Coffee is on.

  3. Jena says:

    Hi there! Just checking in to let you know that my post is up about the seed swap. Thanks again for hosting, I’m very glad that I participated.

    I can totally relate to what you’re talking about in this post. I was very hesitant to take my current job. I work as a Licensed Vet Tech. at a small animal clinic. I explained to my boss that my real goal is to work with large animals and I was worried about her taking me on only to have me leave if a large animal position ever opens up. She was great about it and said that she wouldn’t blame me, we all have to follow our dreams. So far no other job has arisen but I sure wish it would!

    I would be curious about the repercussions if you did want to leave after taking the class. I guess I would think like you, with the economy so bad there probably won’t be a lot of options out there anyway. Good luck deciding! :)

  4. Howling Hill says:

    Jennifer: I think the penalty is to pay back the cost of the class but I don’t know that for sure. Certainly I don’t think they would sue, it’s not worth it. To sue would cost more than the class.

    Peppy: you’re totally right commitment has many branches to travel. Overwhelming sometimes.

    Getting trapped into a routine also scares me. I feel like i need to “act out” when routine becomes too routine just to relieve the pressure on myself. Even something as simple as the route I travel can get overwhelming.

    Jena: thanks for posting. I’ll go check in a minute.

  5. Jessica says:

    Wow, 18 month commitment for a class is pretty extreme.

  6. Howling Hill says:

    Jessica: extreme? I was thinking “long term” not extreme so much.

  7. Pingback: Baby Steps « Howling Hill

  8. Jessica says:

    Anytime I’ve gotten free training/certifications, the most I’ve been asked to commit is around 6 months, and this has been expensive training.

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