Gerbil in a Wheel

Last week I posted about being up at 3am. Never in my life (or, not that I can remember anyways) have I had this much difficulty sleeping. When it comes to sleeping I’ve always been a champ. To go this long without being able to drift off is just weird.

I have good sleep habits. I go to bed at roughly the same time every night after drinking a cup of tea. If I can’t fall asleep I get up and do something (usually blog =) until I feel tired. Usually I drink some more tea (tension tamer, chamomile, lavender, catnip or some combination of them all) but my usual tricks aren’t working. Earlier in the week I drank some tension tamer and took either a melatonin, benadryl, or tynelol but I don’t like to take medication to sleep. Usually it just effs me up the next day.

The problem has nothing to do with my physical body, it has to do with my emotional state. Things have been a little stressful these last few months. My decision to withdraw from school, our subsequent decision to sell HH and move to Massachusetts, my job search, and, as always, the lack of money have made me a tad overwhelmed. My mind, therefore, just keeps turning these problems over and over in my mind.

I’m a problem solver. If you have a problem I’ll solve it for you. I solve my own problems (ok, not as often as I’d like) whenever I can. However, because the above listed problems are really meaty* it’s like I’m a gerbil in a wheel: I just keep spinning them over and over in my mind but never getting anywhere.

For instance, I’ve felt really un-valued at my work of late so my mind just plays scenarios over and over in attempts to resolve my feelings of being un-valued. Second is where we’re going to live. Third is what job will I be working at. Fourth is why haven’t I gotten more responses to the 100+ resumes I’ve put out. Fifth is where are we going to get the money to pay our bills. Sixth is how quickly will we sell HH and what kind of money will we get for it? And the worst part is, as I’m thinking about one problem, another pops up like a mushroom on a humid New England day. I can’t finish one thought before the next one pops in for a visit. On and on the cycle goes until I either get up and blog, get up and take some sort of pharmaceutical, or drift off to sleep.

Right now I’m drinking tension tamer (the second for the night. Usually one knocks me on my ass) and some catnip. I don’t have any lavender left (must get more…) and I just didn’t feel like crawling into the cabinet to get the chamomile or mint (besides, I don’t want to wake Wolf up).

The last couple nights I was so excited I fell asleep and slept though the night. Both nights, however, I took some tylenlol to do so. I almost feel like I need to do that again.

I think I need a reiki session to reset my brain and emotional state.

*How come one never says “vegetable-y”?

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