As birthdays usually do, I have become introspective of what this new decade will bring. I can’t read the future so I don’t know *exactly* what will wander my way, but I can make some guesses: gray hair, stiff bones, dwindling debt, and maybe the end of my moontime. And, of course, happiness and sadness.
What will make me happy and what will make me sad will remain to be seen. But I am not helpless. I make my own future and my own past. I made a list of what I’d like to accomplish in this decade as a way to self-propel to happiness and stability.
- Lose 50lb and keep it off
- Overcome fear of water so Wolf and I can go kayaking and canoeing.
- Become fluent and literate in Spanish
- Fix whatever is wrong with my digestive tract
- Pay off student loans (except Sallie Mae. That’ll never be paid off without winning the lottery)
- Become a High Priestess
- Become a yoga instructor
- Develop an exercise routine and stick to it
- Eliminate emotional triggers
@ThornCoyle recently tweeted “Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it. You are sacred. Exercise is sacred activity.” She is, of course, right. Losing 50lbs is the first thing on this list but developing an exercise routine is at the bottom. Why is this so? Well, frankly, I’m one of those people who thinks if I think about exercise enough the weight will fall off. Also, I’m under the false impression that if I “clean up” my diet the weight will evaporate. But it doesn’t work that way and I know it.
“Developing an exercise routine” didn’t come to me until after I had already made the list. It was added later when I realized the weight I want to lose won’t just go away because I will it so. Losing weight isn’t just about me getting off my butt and moving it to increase my heart rate. It’s also about me eliminating emotional triggers. Again, this connection didn’t come to me right away which is why it’s at the end of the list. But it may well be the most important one. Only recently have I started working with my therapist about removing triggers buried deep in my subconscious. Eliminating them has not been easy but I am dedicated to doing so because, quite frankly, if I do not, the emotional baggage will kill me. Or, at the very least, keep me fat with a digestive tract not working to its optimum, and very, very depressed.
I have been addressing the digestion issue for a couple years but have not been able to “cure” whatever the problem is. I do not know what the problem is. I have been to see my primary who ordered all kinds of tests. I’m still paying them off 3 years later. The coping mechanisms I have used over the last few years have stopped working so now it’s time to find a naturopath to see if they can assist my body’s healing so I can attain the sufficient motivation to exercise with consistency.